A post off the beaten path of politics

My husband is in the hospital. I am not going to disclose his health information out of respect for his privacy. What i am going to do is offer some commentary on my hospital experience. He’s been through 3 in less than 2 weeks-not out of choice,but circumstance.

These comments relate more to the hospital he is currently in because this is where he ended up and has had the longest stay.I imagine to him the hospital feels like a glorified prison.You’re behind 4 walls,you give up your independence and daily choices, someone pretty much tells you what to do and when to do it, you can’t leave and you definitely give up your dignity. The one difference is you’re ill and the people are there to help you getĀ  better.

First of all, we all know how busy a hospital staff can be. They will remind you how many patients they have to take care of. It’s true. They do. Of course,i care about all the other patients the staff has.

Some probably more critical than my own husband. When your loved one,that is a family member or spouse is in the hospital, your concern is with ONE patient,YOUR family member or spouse.

We’re all very aware that the staff has their hands full and they are not going to focus their care on just that one person you care about.However,nobody wants to be reminded of this when they have a concern about their own.

There’s no tact in saying that, no matter how true it may be. They should have at least one staff member assigned to each patient;someoneĀ  who is qualified to address any concerns a family has.

I would think that would take the burden off the nursing staff. I would hope that the nurses would have more tact when dealing with family members who haveĀ  concerns . Find a way to say it without being insulting.

The message that people are hearing is that you have a tough job and they should be more respectful of that.

Newsflash staff: as much as folks appreciate all you do,they’reĀ  not worried about your tough job. They KNOW it is but at the moment they’re worried about their loved one,not how overworked a nurse is.The patient and family is not responsible if it’s due to a hospital’s lack of staff.(PLS note that i said IF. i am not making an accusation)

To the doctors;do not speak Dr lingo when it’s not necessary. Break it down into simple terms. If you must use medical terms explain what that procedure,treatment,medicine means to the person in specific terms.

IfĀ  a family member is responsible for consent they are going to want to be able to make an informed decision and sometimes those decisions are very difficult.

It is not helpful to say things such as this patient must have surgery.It is helpful to say this is going to be a big decision but the patient needs surgery because_____ and realize lay people have to have time to process the information. More information,not less, can be very helpful.

The hours just tick by cruelly when you can’t wrap your head around what is happening with your family member. It may mean a daily update. Some need more information,others not so much.

Some people are more comfortable with just laying back and letting the doctor make the decisions and living with them.Others would feel far more comfortable with more information.

Whatever makes each person more comfortable is what is right for them. There is not a one size fits all but the only way to know is to ASK.

Discuss with the family member if the doctor alone will be discussing the patient’s condition with the patient or if the family member AND doctor can share the responsibility;depending on whether the family member feels comfortable talking it over with the patient or not.Some people will want to leave it up to the Doctor totally.

It’s possible the family member would like to talk to the patient but isn’t sure how to approach them. I’m sure people could use some guidance and support on whether to do it,how to do it and when to do it.

People listen to Doctors. The Doctor should listen to the people he’s dealing with.

When people speak to a doctor,whether that’s the family member or patient they should not be made to feel their concerns are trivial or unreasonable.

They may or may not beĀ  but it doesn’t help to pass that kind of judgement. People will actually be less demanding if they feel their concerns are being addressed and are considered important enough to be heard out.

I’ll say this; i wasn’t givenĀ  a lot of time to make a major decision affecting another person. I had a lot of information to process in order to make aĀ  decision thatĀ  would be best as well as what that person would want. In our circumstance those 2 things were almost opposed. It was a definite mental conflict.

On the other hand the Doctor is not the one giving consent and having to make and live with that decision.His/herĀ  goal is get the patient well and back home to their previous life as best as possibleĀ  and that is where there is at least one meeting of the minds so to speak.

The conflict arises when what the patientĀ  wants is not exactly what the doctor is recommending. The person making the decision isĀ  probably doing mental gymnastics to work through all that.

I can tell you this;unlike how everyone else has processed the decision, the final decision maker is trying to work through the patient’sĀ  desires,the family’s concerns plus their own concerns.Ā  It would be extremely helpful (and greatly appreciated btw)if the hospital staff could lend an ear as well as providing medical info.

What everyone else can see as a clear path,the decision maker can be on a roller coaster thinking they’ve made the right choice one day and struggling with it the next. Worse is that unforeseen events can leap out at you anytime We had our own difficulties due factors likeĀ  distance and how quickly Gary’s condition changed in only a matter of days.

Finally, the main focus is the patient’s needs and that’s true for every family member involved.The family members are naturally focused on the sick member. They should be. Anything else takes a back seat.

On the other hand the spouse needs to feel that they have people who truly support them and their needs to the extent their mental state and physical health are going to affect the patient.If another family member is involved(no spouse)the same holds just as true.

i don’t mean that their own needs can be neglected either. It’s a careful dance to make sure nobody gets their toes stepped on.It’s difficult for everyone,but none is going to affect the patient more than the spouse when it’s all said and done.I will say this; not a single family member can be neglected. It’s not a choice between spouse and family.

Everyone is involved albeit differently for each person.It’s probably a good time to leave family squabbles behind even if only for the present time.

I’m sure in some cases it’s not easy to do but most people can manage for a short time.


I’ve had to leave our specific pieces of information that might have helped make some points clearer.

Down the road I will fill in some of the blanks and much of what i’ve written will probably be less vague than it seems to be. I did the best i could do here skirting information i felt should remain private;it involves other people and my husband’s confidentiality.Although ,I feel like i’ve left out some things i could have included; i’m sure they’ll come back to me at some point.

In the end though the outcome remains out of our hands. We do the best we can with what God has given each of us.Nothing more,nothing less.Whether that’s the doctor, the caregivers,the people we care about andĀ  ourselves. We all have some way we can help out when there is a hospitalization. A little help, a lot of help,doesn’t matter.God gives each of us the grace to do something we are capable of,even if we’re limited.

If you have any comments about a hospital experience you’ve had, for better of worse, feel free to leave them. I’d be glad to read them.

 

 

 

 

Worthiness to Receive Holy Communion: General Principles | EWTN Hello @SpeakerPelosi what can’t you understand?

Worthiness to Receive Holy Communion: General Principles

Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger Prefect, Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith

[Note: The following memorandum was sent by Cardinal Ratzinger to Cardinal McCarrick and was made public in the first week of July 2004.]

1. Presenting oneself to receive Holy Communion should be a conscious decision, based on a reasoned judgment regarding oneā€™s worthiness to do so, according to the Churchā€™s objective criteria, asking such questions as: “Am I in full communion with the Catholic Church? Am I guilty of grave sin? Have I incurred a penalty (e.g. excommunication, interdict) that forbids me to receive Holy Communion? Have I prepared myself by fasting for at least an hour?” The practice of indiscriminately presenting oneself to receive Holy Communion, merely as a consequence of being present at Mass, is an abuse that must be corrected (cf. Instruction “Redemptionis Sacramentum,” nos. 81, 83).2. The Church teaches that abortion or euthanasia is a grave sin. The Encyclical Letter Evangelium vitae, with reference to judicial decisions or civil laws that authorize or promote abortion or euthanasia, states that there is a “grave and clear obligation to oppose them by conscientious objection. […] In the case of an intrinsically unjust law, such as a law permitting abortion or euthanasia, it is therefore never licit to obey it, or to ‘take part in a propaganda campaign in favour of such a law or vote for it'” (no. 73). Christians have a “grave obligation of conscience not to cooperate formally in practices which, even if permitted by civil legislation, are contrary to Godā€™s law. Indeed, from the moral standpoint, it is never licit to cooperate formally in evil. […] This cooperation can never be justified either by invoking respect for the freedom of others or by appealing to the fact that civil law permits it or requires it” (no. 74).3. Not all moral issues have the same moral weight as abortion and euthanasia. For example, if a Catholic were to be at odds with the Holy Father on the application of capital punishment or on the decision to wage war, he would not for that reason be considered unworthy to present himself to receive Holy Communion. While the Church exhorts civil authorities to seek peace, not war, and to exercise discretion and mercy in imposing punishment on criminals, it may still be permissible to take up arms to repel an aggressor or to have recourse to capital punishment. There may be a legitimate diversity of opinion even among Catholics about waging war and applying the death penalty, but not however with regard to abortion and euthanasia.

5. Regarding the grave sin of abortion or euthanasia, when a personā€™s formal cooperation becomes manifest (understood, in the case of a Catholic politician, as his consistently campaigning and voting for permissive abortion and euthanasia laws), his Pastor should meet with him, instructing him about the Churchā€™s teaching, informing him that he is not to present himself for Holy Communion until he brings to an end the objective situation of sin, and warning him that he will otherwise be denied the Eucharist.

 

Source: Worthiness to Receive Holy Communion: General Principles | EWTN