It’s the way i rolled

Looking back on my life now decided it was probably time to size it up.

I made a ton of mistakes. It’s probably why i give ppl a lot of leeway. Know very well how far we can fall.

Mixed in with terrible choices are some choices i do not regret at all.

1. at 21 giving birth to my son.I debate every so often if raising him was a good choice.Maybe  going the route of adoption might have been better for him. I live with the choice and in spite of the debate-can say no.i made the choice and in spite of my own failures think it was the best decision at the time.

2. Marrying the man i did.Right choice. He’s made some huge mistakes also but after the last big one he learned the hard way. It’s been going well. I am so glad we stuck it out and are going on 21 yrs. We both cleaned up our acts. There hasn’t been one ounce of substances in our home from day one. Make that 21 yr for both of us. I had a wonderful priest counsel me and decided to forgive and move on. I was almost tempted to throw in the towel at the time. I married late but i can honestly say now it’s on very solid ground.We know we probably don’t have a lot of time left. With both of us having health issues we need each other. It’s been a blessing believe it or not. He does let me down from time to time but I’m sure he could say the same thing about me.

3. Deciding to buy this house,great choice. i feel  we’re home at last.

4. Confession ppl confession . Always a good choice.When you hear the words, i absolve you in the name of the Father,Son and Holy Spirit it’s a new day. Now that doesn’t mean there aren’t going to be difficult moments or that you won’t wrestle with your faith but grace builds on grace.Keep turning  to His mercy. By dark i don’t mean deep in sin dark-been there,done it,did that. Dark as in sometimes you just don’t have the answers or get the answers. They come over time.

I think Mother Therese might have gone through a period like this herself;but you keep on trusting in God anyway. Confession.  It’s important no matter what is going on in your life.

5. I’m glad i ditched the horrible influences in my life. I had baggage. I met people i thought were accepting. We had to part company and that was one of the best decisions i ever made. Substance abusers only have 1 thing in common.Substance abuse.Keep a clear head. Don’t use drugs. Do not abuse alcohol. Be careful who you pick to associate with.If you’re a devout Catholic stick with the sacraments. Don’t give them  up for anything. If you’ve left the faith,come home.

6. The time i spent with my parents and getting to know them. It was worth every minute.

It’s unfortunate it was so late in life but better late than never. Time goes more quickly than we think.

7. I’m thankful for my relationship with my brother. No matter what happens,family is family. Never let a past problem get in the way of keeping a family relationship. If they don’t want to reach out then reach out to them. If they don’t want to let it go-you let it go.He’s a good guy and we’re twins so what choice do we have? lol Paternal twins ppl. Identical twins are not the only kind there are.

Now husband and I are rolling towards the big 70. As fast as we got to the big 60 i can imagine how fast the 70’s will sneak up on us.Our 21st anniversary is in May 🙂

 

orange

 

My Mother’s Passing(edited)

Mom was born on September 8, 1923 and passed away on Tuesday, June 23, 2009.

Dad passed away  Wednesday, July 23, 2008.

I attended Dad’s funeral.Mom was the center,the rock,of our family. She was the glue that held us together. I went to see dad the same day he passed. Mom called during the night to let us know. It was approx 3:00 a.m. We went right over. The nurse was sitting with mom on the sofa.I am assuming it was one of the hospice nurses.  I can’t recall her but i know that we had met before. After we said goodby to dad and had left, the nurse stayed with mom.I don’t know how long she stayed but mom seemed ok at the time.

It was not unexpected. It was still a blow but i had some inkling it would be in the near future. I  just didn’t think it would have been that day. We did take him out in the backyard in his wheelchair and stretched out the oxygen hose for him. We let him see the garden.I don’t know if he could really see anything. I’m not even sure that he had morphine.I know he had a dose when we went back in.We had to take for granted he was cognizant enough to know he was looking at the garden.Then we wheeled him back in to the porch.i noticed his feet were terribly swelled and mentioned to mom his legs ought to be elevated. He was very tired though and we took him to bed.Perhaps the morphine was making him sleepy.

Then there was mom’s death. A totally different experience.

Mom’s death was a shock. I got the call at 11:15 a.m. on Tues. To this day i know the exact day,time and what my brother said. I  had just talked to her the night before. I sensed some stress in her voice but let it go to imagination since she had been doing so well. Now i wish i had gone over to check on her.She called to find out where her bandages were. I told my brother so he could get them for her. She was supposed to be done with them and they were up on a shelf. I didn’t want her to have to reach for them.I should have realized that her suddenly needing the bandages again was not a good sign.

I did not attend her funeral. I was too ill,too lost,too hurt and too confused.My husband and a family member had gotten into a spat. When a family member dies, that you are close to, emotions tend to be very raw. I was hoping my husband would quietly take into consideration the stress these people were under and the feelings they were going through. He sat quietly for a few min and then to my dismay responded in anger. We left. I was very disappointed in him.I should have known that was coming but i held out hope for a few minutes-due to the circumstances-that he might remain calm.As i remember that day i don’t think anyone remained calm.It was a nightmare.Again,due to the emotions people were going through things like this can happen. I don’t fault anyone anymore. It happened. It probably couldn’t be helped. It’s over. i can’t get into anyone’s head to know what they were thinking-only they could do that-but i can say that in their hearts they were going through a lot. Each in their own way.

At the time though my husband was too angry to think straight.I had no idea how i was to get to the funeral.Nobody called. Nobody mentioned it. I didn’t know who to talk to. What to do next. I wandered around aimlessly in our apartment going “what to wear,what to wear. ” i think i looked in the closest a half dozen times and went back to look a half dozen more.Between that and crying that’s all i did.

A week later when everyone had gone home, when the people from the store were coming to collect the furnishings( i had no idea who was there at the time)were done and it all seemed ‘over’ i actually picked up the phone and called mom. I did this several times on and off for weeks.To this day i still know her number. i don’t mean to but i actually resent the people who bought their house. It was mom and dad’s. I just feel no one has the right to be there but them. I know it’s not actually the way it is-but i also know that’s exactly how i feel.So i stay away from the house altogether. There’s no sense in building up a resentment over something that is just not possible.

I did visit her and dad’s grave for mother’s day once.i have to go back there again for Mother’s Day this year. I’m sorry it all worked out as it did. People are people and they all deal with the loss of a loved in different ways. Emotions run high. I wish my husband would have bit his lip and just left with me that day. Can’t change it.I wish i had felt better. Can’t change that either.

One thing i don’t think anyone knew is that mom had talked to me long before she passed and i understood how it would be when she did pass.I  respected her wishes and was perfectly fine with what she told me. There was no animosity between us over it. NONE. I wasn’t shocked by her preferences at all. Knew it would be that way.

I have no grudges. No ill feelings. I’ve long gotten over my husband’s own reaction. Didn’t like it but understand it. We talked about it the other night. From his perspective he tells me that people can carry on hate for years. He knows having been through it in his own family.I think it’s one of the reasons he has such a tough time letting things go himself. My dad was one not to hold grudges at all.

It’s unfortunate how it all happened.Very unfortunate but there’s nothing we can do anymore. I can’t live in the past and wish for how things should have  been.None of us should do that.

Enough said.  I know we all miss the folks.

Post Script:Nobody has to agree with the  opinion that i’m about to express. I honestly don’t believe mom got the care here locally that she should have gotten and could have used. I shouldn’t speculate but i am convinced she would have done better at one of the Cancer Treatment Centers say in Pittsburgh or Philly. It makes me wonder. I wasn’t too thrilled with the care dad got either. Mom received a letter from the CDC after he passed away.Something that happened at the hospital.I can say volumes about all of that;but we’ll leave it for another day.I probably shouldn’t dwell on it. It makes my blood boil and isn’t going to change a thing.Now we can get back to the usual here. It’s not the place for personal family business,but i wanted to speak re it just this once.

 

dear mom

John Paul II documentary by Newt and Callista Gingrich

I watched it today on EWTN.The second or third time i’ve seen it. Never tire of watching this extraordinary documentary from Newt and Callista Gingrich.I’ll have to include a link to where you can order it if you like.There will be a second presentation (the full documentary)on Thur Apr 24-TOMORROW-at 10:00 pm EST. If it doesn’t begin right at 10:00 pm i am certain it will be at 10:30. I would tune in at 10:00 pm [EST ]to be sure!

The Huffington Post put up a  horrible piece on the canonization. It basically said the interest of the Polish people in the canonization of their native son and Holy Father has waned. We shall see on the day Blessed John Paul IS raised to the altars. I think the people of Poland know what Blessed John Paul II meant to them. The people at the Huff Post did not live under Nazism or Communism and something tells me they’re clueless about the history.There is no real journalism today. They lack integrity and objectivity altogether. It’s about an agenda.

Here is the link to 9 Days That Changed the World. For people who don’t care for Newt the candidate,politician or Congressman forget about that. It’s an excellent production in its own right. Worth watching, for the historical content alone.From Newt Productions http://www.gingrichproductions.com/2012/06/ninedaysthatchangedtheworld/

 

john paul II and family

Don’t let the header fool you

The theme is weird little town. The background is pink(?) with white sparkles and the title The Rasberry Palace,It’s the way we roll might give someone the impression it’s a fruit stand. A throw over from the 60’s blog. A Prince (look out for the chem trails)accolade blog.None of these. Two topics.Three if you count in some of the lighter stuff. Religion(Catholicism to be exact), politics as informed by my Catholic faith and the third ,the lighter stuff.

I try to read as many other blogs as i possibly can and reblog the interesting.If a blog doesn’t get a reblog it doesn’t mean it’s not good-it may mean that i haven’t got to it yet.

I stay away from the personal as much as possible. 1. my life is not that interesting anyway. 2. yes,i do have struggles but who wants to read about my angst when there are people struggling with much bigger problems. 3. some people are family,still living and i don’t want to give into the temptation to slay with the pen so to speak. They’re not able to speak about the other side and I’m as much to blame for some problems.Maybe more so. If they can’t speak back there’s no point in my giving a one sided view.Besides,love em no matter what.

 There are some things i really don’t have patience for :

the idea that Islam is a religion of peace. With everything that i’ve seen in the world so far nothing backs that up.Bill O Reilly seems to think there are 2 separate groups. The peaceful group and the militant group. I don’t think so. The peaceful group is just the group that lets the militant group do what they’re able to do. IMHO they’re all on the same side and i think there are verses in the Qur’an that back this up.

Vision seekers. I do believe there will be 3 days of darkness but when the Church tells me this is going to take place THEN I’ll prepare for it. Until then the only thing we need to seek as Catholics is confession,the sacraments and obedience to the Church.

Jesus Himself said He did not know the hour. IF Jesus said that how could anyone else possibly know? Jesus will return once. It will be definitive,final and triumphant.Our end could be anytime. Jesus said to keep watch and be prepared. This is why we have to be careful. There are alleged visionaries.Some contain heresies. Some are festering schism in the Church. We do better not seeking the sensational and staying away from this stuff. There are apparitions  and private revelation the Church has approved .However, our obligation is always  to accept public revelation-not private. If private revelation helps us in our faith journey all well and good  🙂

You’re an atheist? Want to discuss it? I say GREAT! Want to impose secular humanism on the majority. Sorry.  Tell me why  we should embrace atheism.Make the case for it.

People i would love to reach out to and have all the time in the world for:Catholics who have left the Church.Come home.

Non Catholics who attack the Church. My guess is they really don’t know what she teaches. They have been brought up most of their lives to be wary of,if not afraid of, the Catholic Church.

Liberals. If we could convince just one liberal that conservatives aren’t greedy rich people who hate the poor, minorities and women it’d be worth the effort. If we can’t convince em at least vote in conservatives so we don’t have to put up with failed liberal ideologies anymore.

Finally,if you have an Eastern Catholic blog post a link. I’ll check it out and promote it.

If you have a CONSERVATIVE blog post a link. I’ll check it out.

To be honest,the one(and only) writing skill i have is discipline. I try to keep up here every day and pick out a topic i feel passionate about at the moment. I don’t have any great insights and the posts are based on loosely worded notes(if at all).I just hope that the topics matter as much to someone else as they do to me.

WYSIWYG.

Yes,thanks sooooooo much for those who actually stop by and read. I will not take that for granted.

ImageGood Night

Stay safe,sleep peacefully,God Bless

WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!

When the massive planet-killer asteroid strikes, the seas will boil, ejecta will block the sun, planetary temperatures will drop and everyone who didn’t die in the initial fiery inferno or the bone crushing flesh ripping tsunamis, will freeze and starve and then freeze some more until they die in the lonely agony of stiff, frigid hunger and horror.

Or not.

via WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!.