Husband went out of town to his monthly visit to chiropractor. Very quiet here. All the housework is done.Well,most of it. Our aide is taking off 2 Saturdays to come in on Sunday and make sure we get to Easter Mass and Mass on Divine Mercy Sunday.After which i am going to fly home and watch the canonization of Pope John Paul II or at least when it’s live. The time difference may mean it’s later than i think.
Reflecting today.Will get to Bob Fishman’s talk on Judaism before the day is over.
One cause for reflection is that I’ve aged. My hair went completely gray almost over night. For someone who doesn’t get a lot of sun, skin has taken to wrinkles with a vengeance.One day i have to find a good dentist here(that would take a miracle)and get dentures.I would rather get dental implants but you have to get financing for those.Tells you just how expensive they are.I will have to settle for dentures like my husband did. The menneire’s,while not life threatening,has really taken a toll and the death of my parents sped up the aging considerably. However,this is life.We all get old and our bodies age. NO matter how many surgeries and treatments people undergo you cannot stave off the process.Eventually one gets where all of us are headed.
I’ve accepted. [Let nothing disturb thee.] When you’re young you think it’s forever. I debate;maybe i should have my hair colored;not for the sake of looking younger but at least appearing healthier. The next day i wonder if even that matters?Men age better.Husband hair is gray too but since he’s lost weight-a lot of weight-he looks way better than me.Maybe it’s just me and he just happens to look good to me?
This period of life we think more about going home.Although we should always consider it.I was at Pinterest and ran into a pro abortion,feminist,atheist. Talk about grumpy.Since these people have tossed off God as a myth,got rid of the notion of sin and hell and think we’re stupid for believing-they give the impression they should be on top of the world and we shouldn’t. They’re the crabbiest people. I don’t know why they are that angry with God when they don’t even believe in God. That would be my first point.I think deep down they do believe but pride gets the best of them. The other thing that gets them is moral relativism. Got me. It’s one thing not to believe in God.It’s another-and far more lethal-to know God exists then live as if He doesn’t.
New movie coming out based on the book,Heaven is For Real.Or it’s already opened. Raymond Arroyo highly recommended it.Good enough for me.
I was interested in reading the book and then seeing the movie when it goes to DVD.
I am convinced heaven is real,without proof.Though i think all of us would like proof positive.Some sign we can see with our own 2 eyes,hear with our own 2 ears,process in our own reality. I hate to admit but since my parents died i have become paranoid about my brother.I have to get at least one email per week or i worry,maybe needlessly.He’s the only tie i have left to them. I think though we would like to have something tangible where heaven is concerned. We want something to show us that it’s REALLY there so when the time comes we know. Of course,the other side of that reality is hell. It’s the one thing we DON’T like to think about. Maybe we’re afraid if we have something tangible showing us heaven is real,then we wouldn’t need anything to show us how real hell is. I believe we are wired to long for heaven.I believe we are wired to want to become one with God. I am convinced it’s that wiring that is proof enough. If we didn’t have the capacity to search for the truth-we DO-then you could say this [life]is it.
It’s what Easter is all about.It’s Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane feeling abandoned by the people closest to Him in this life and His Father in heaven. He doesn’t want to die.He knows what’s up ahead.He KNOWS the suffering He will have to endure. He takes the weight of the sins of mankind on His soul,mind and heart in Gethsemane and it’s painful. Nearly as painful as the physical suffering He will have to endure. It’s the ingratitude of man and lack of love when He’s about to SACRIFICE His own life for it.
Then He rises. There’s our hope. It’s not tangible.It’s not something that we witnessed with our own 2 eyes and ears in our lifetime.We take the word of the people who witnessed it then and the REMARKABLE changes in their lives.We see the remarkable events from that time on.Impossible by human standards. Jesus had to be who He claimed to be and He had to have risen to make such a profound difference in the people who witnessed it.
Death for us is one of two things or both.Scary.Like our birth we only do it once. Like our birth we have no say in that we came into the world and we have no say when we leave. It can also be a release. I think my dad had had enough of this life and when God called him his answer was already yes.
I know there are relationships in this life he wanted to have patched up.It didn’t happen. I’m sure where he is now he’s at peace.I wish it had happened for him too. He didn’t suffer at the end. He died at home-where he wanted to be-in his sleep. I am grateful.
My mother didn’t suffer either. She died at home-where we wanted her to be.Am grateful.She could have suffered horribly.God was good to her and dad. They were devout Catholics. Not perfect,just devout. I believe to this day we have had the last 3 homes we’ve had because they put a good word in for us. I believe we had the apartment across the street from them because they both eventually needed help. It made it easier for all of us.Then we found the next place after they passed away. When we got it i knew that if mom and dad were around they would have enjoyed it too. I told my husband that if anything ever happened to mom,we would leave that apartment.We only stayed there because of my parents.I know that we found this place-perfect for us at this stage of our lives-because they put in a good word for us.I never dreamed we would end up buying our own home. I never gave it any thought to begin with. I assumed we would always rent.
In the Kaiser West blog my friend mentioned the little peas under the mattress.Yes,i have those too.
It’s the relationships i’ve lost in my life or never had to begin with.Maybe they’re boulders more than peas?
For awhile there i thought there might be some that would work out.They took a few fits and starts and then puttered to a grinding halt. Painful but it could be a cross God intends for me to bear;quite frankly because i deserve it.
Then there are days i think;God would prefer people patch up their past relationships. Like the one i know Dad should have reconciled and couldn’t.Not his fault.
So i vacillate between those 2 thoughts. Good Friday comes before Easter Sunday doesn’t it?