Forgive and Forget?

ImageBoy,is she right.Points out my lack of humility. Husband and i get into an argument and the next thing you know i’ve decided to dredge up something from 10 yr ago.Swear I’ve forgiven him and give myself a pat on the back.I look back on some fall outs with various  people. Forgive? Sure. From time to time i play that tape again. There’s no rancor with it BUT there is a shortcoming in myself for dwelling on it in the first place. It’s like my Sears catalogue of past wrongs.

From a person who can’t remember what i went in the other room for but i can dig up some past incident in a couple seconds.The sin of pride. Causes a lot of problems,yes it does.

I can forgive my husband not because i’m stupid and just don’t know any better.

It’s because i know how far  a person can fall.  I have no room to talk.

There is one major change in my own thinking though. I expect better from BOTH of us now.

Yes,we can fall. We have to pick ourselves up and try,with God’s grace,to do better.The key being, God’s grace.

We’re not going to make it if we take God out of the equation. I have also learned (the hard way)to get up each day with gratitude and  be less apt to dredge up the past.

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Once you realize the brevity of your own life-feel gracious to wake up on this side of the dirt-it occurs to you to spend less time dredging.

It’s a journey though.Trust me,I’m not there.

It’s a good thing God does more than forgive. He wipes the slate clean when you hear the words in Confession, “I ABSOLVE you”.

We can begin again.

I will say,to my husband’s credit,he is working on the bigger problems he’s had.

I am not staying with him out of fear of being alone or financial security. I stay with him because i have a fear of being without him and his being without me.

It also comes down to our not abandoning each other. We have too many health problems.

We’re older and we’ve changed over the years.

Not in leaps and bounds but we’ve changed.Nobody totally changes. We bring to our marriage what we have from our past but we know better what our marriage has meant to us.

Marriage can  make us better-not perfect-people.

WORD

safe sex

There comes with marriage too-and i’m sure you know this if you’re married-a familiarity,friendship and comfort that develops.

Not a bad thing 🙂

So i’m grateful we wake up each day.I’m grateful we’re still married in spite of problems.I’m especially grateful when i feel better one day than another. I have to work on acceptance of the not so good days. i can get unnecessarily crabby.

Atheism is a puzzle to me.  How could anyone conclude we make ourselves live? How could anyone say that we cause our own hearts to beat or our lungs to breathe each day.

I know i lived as if God didn’t exist for a very long time. I know St Augustine went down that road and didn’t find peace.

Gaudium et Spes 20-21

20. Modern atheism often takes on a systematic expression which, in addition to other causes, stretches the desires for human independence to such a point that it poses difficulties against any kind of dependence on God. Those who profess atheism of this sort maintain that it gives man freedom to be an end unto himself, the sole artisan and creator of his own history. They claim that this freedom cannot be reconciled with the affirmation of a Lord Who is author and purpose of all things, or at least that this freedom makes such an affirmation altogether superfluous. Favoring this doctrine can be the sense of power which modern technical progress generates in man.

Not to be overlooked among the forms of modern atheism is that which anticipates the liberation of man especially through his economic and social emancipation. This form argues that by its nature religion thwarts this liberation by arousing man’s hope for a deceptive future life, thereby diverting him from the constructing of the earthly city. Consequently when the proponents of this doctrine gain governmental power they vigorously fight against religion, and promote atheism by using, especially in the education of youth, those means of pressure which public power has at its disposal.

21. In her loyal devotion to God and men, the Church has already repudiated(16) and cannot cease repudiating, sorrowfully but as firmly as possible, those poisonous doctrines and actions which contradict reason and the common experience of humanity, and dethrone man from his native excellence.

Still, she strives to detect in the atheistic mind the hidden causes for the denial of God; conscious of how weighty are the questions which atheism raises, and motivated by love for all men, she believes these questions ought to be examined seriously and more profoundly.

The Church holds that the recognition of God is in no way hostile to man’s dignity, since this dignity is rooted and perfected in God. For man was made an intelligent and free member of society by God Who created him, but even more important, he is called as a son to commune with God and share in His happiness. She further teaches that a hope related to the end of time does not diminish the importance of intervening duties but rather undergirds the acquittal of them with fresh incentives. By contrast, when a divine instruction and the hope of life eternal are wanting, man’s dignity is most grievously lacerated, as current events often attest; riddles of life and death, of guilt and of grief go unsolved with the frequent result that men succumb to despair.

Meanwhile every man remains to himself an unsolved puzzle, however obscurely he may perceive it. For on certain occasions no one can entirely escape the kind of self-questioning mentioned earlier, especially when life’s major events take place. To this questioning only God fully and most certainly provides an answer as He summons man to higher knowledge and humbler probing.

The remedy which must be applied to atheism, however, is to be sought in a proper presentation of the Church’s teaching as well as in the integral life of the Church and her members. For it is the function of the Church, led by the Holy Spirit Who renews and purifies her ceaselessly,(17) to make God the Father and His Incarnate Son present and in a sense visible. This result is achieved chiefly by the witness of a living and mature faith, namely, one trained to see difficulties clearly and to master them. Many martyrs have given luminous witness to this faith and continue to do so. This faith needs to prove its fruitfulness by penetrating the believer’s entire life, including its worldly dimensions, and by activating him toward justice and love, especially regarding the needy. What does the most reveal God’s presence, however, is the brotherly charity of the faithful who are united in spirit as they work together for the faith of the Gospel(18) and who prove themselves a sign of unity.

While rejecting atheism, root and branch, the Church sincerely professes that all men, believers and unbelievers alike, ought to work for the rightful betterment of this world in which all alike live; such an ideal cannot be realized, however, apart from sincere and prudent dialogue. Hence the Church protests against the distinction which some state authorities make between believers and unbelievers, with prejudice to the fundamental rights of the human person. The Church calls for the active liberty of believers to build up in this world God’s temple too. She courteously invites atheists to examine the Gospel of Christ with an open mind.

Above all the Church knows that her message is in harmony with the most secret desires of the human heart when she champions the dignity of the human vocation, restoring hope to those who have already despaired of anything higher than their present lot. Far from diminishing man, her message brings to his development light, life and freedom. Apart from this message nothing will avail to fill up the heart of man: “Thou hast made us for Thyself,” O Lord, “and our hearts are restless till they rest in Thee.”(19)

22. The truth is that only in the mystery of the incarnate Word does the mystery of man take on light. For Adam, the first man, was a figure of Him Who was to come,(20) namely Christ the Lord. Christ, the final Adam, by the revelation of the mystery of the Father and His love, fully reveals man to man himself and makes his supreme calling clear. It is not surprising, then, that in Him all the aforementioned truths find their root and attain their crown.

He Who is “the image of the invisible God” (Col. 1:15),(21) is Himself the perfect man. To the sons of Adam He restores the divine likeness which had been disfigured from the first sin onward. Since human nature as He assumed it was not annulled,(22) by that very fact it has been raised up to a divine dignity in our respect too. For by His incarnation the Son of God has united Himself in some fashion with every man. He worked with human hands, He thought with a human mind, acted by human choice(23) and loved with a human heart. Born of the Virgin Mary, He has truly been made one of us, like us in all things except sin.(24)

As an innocent lamb He merited for us life by the free shedding of His own blood. In Him God reconciled us(25) to Himself and among ourselves; from bondage to the devil and sin He delivered us, so that each one of us can say with the Apostle: The Son of God “loved me and gave Himself up for me” (Gal. 2:20). By suffering for us He not only provided us with an example for our imitation,(26) He blazed a trail, and if we follow it, life and death are made holy and take on a new meaning.

The Christian man, conformed to the likeness of that Son Who is the firstborn of many brothers,(27) received “the first-fruits of the Spirit” (Rom. 8:23) by which he becomes capable of discharging the new law of love.(28) Through this Spirit, who is “the pledge of our inheritance” (Eph. 1:14), the whole man is renewed from within, even to the achievement of “the redemption of the body” (Rom. 8:23): “If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the death dwells in you, then he who raised Jesus Christ from the dead will also bring to life your mortal bodies because of his Spirit who dwells in you” (Rom. 8:11).(29) Pressing upon the Christian to be sure, are the need and the duty to battle against evil through manifold tribulations and even to suffer death. But, linked with the paschal mystery and patterned on the dying Christ, he will hasten forward to resurrection in the strength which comes from hope.(30)

All this holds true not only for Christians, but for all men of good will in whose hearts grace works in an unseen way.(31) For, since Christ died for all men,(32) and since the ultimate vocation of man is in fact one, and divine, we ought to believe that the Holy Spirit in a manner known only to God offers to every man the possibility of being associated with this paschal mystery.

Such is the mystery of man, and it is a great one, as seen by believers in the light of Christian revelation. Through Christ and in Christ, the riddles of sorrow and death grow meaningful. Apart from His Gospel, they overwhelm us. Christ has risen, destroying death by His death; He has lavished life upon us(33) so that, as sons in the Son, we can cry out in the Spirit; Abba, Father(34)

Jesus you seek

 

 

 

Mozilla,Tolerance,Eric Bolling

I think i’ve delved into family matters enough. I have to be careful.Some of the people are still living and i would like to respect their confidentiality and privacy. I don’t want to go too far and say more than they’d care to have me say. I can safely assume they would prefer not to be mentioned or for me to dig up the past much.

Have to respect them. Will leave it at that.

I do want to delve into some topics that came up on the news tonight. Briefly on each one.They are not extremely complicated.

sheen on tolerance

 

1. If marriage is redefined it will have no meaning at all.Many young people are not getting married.Divorce rates are extremely high [and sadly] as high for Catholics as the general population.BTW.The Catholic Church does not permit divorce but that doesn’t mean people won’t go ahead and divorce anyway.

Marriage is under attack.Redefining it will be the fatal blow.

Few will get married. Few will stay married.

2. They mentioned a study on the Five. As soon as someone uses the word study i am skeptical. This study claims the internet is causing people to lose faith,become less religious.I STRONGLY disagree. I believe it is the secular culture and the internet may be a small part of that.

I would suggest that the internet MIGHT play a bigger role with non Catholics. The center of Catholic worship is the Eucharist.No Eucharist->No Church. For many non Catholic denominations the center of worship is fellowship.In that respect the internet MIGHT take the place of fellowship. I still believe it is the secular culture that is the strongest influence.

3. Schools are revising American history and ignoring our religious foundation. Big mistake on several levels.I’m going to devote a whole blog entry to that one topic.

4. Eric Bolling(whom i respect a lot)mentioned he was Catholic on the Five. He said,verbatim,that he was “a devout Catholic,however….”

I hear Catholic politicians say something similar.”I’m Catholic,but…”

Our Catholic faith is who we are and how we live. When we step into the public square,when we go to a polling station and vote we are Catholic. We don’t drop it off at the door and put it back on when we walk out. It informs everything we do especially when it matters most.Our Catholicism informs our choices.

Every Catholic should have a copy of the Catechism of the Catholic Church,read it,study it.Keep it on hand for reference. There is no better way than the Catechism to be informed about our faith. We don’t stop learning. I would even read the encyclicals. People,including Catholics,think the encyclicals are written for the hierarchy(bishops,cardinals),priests and religious. They are letters to the Church and they are for everyone. The Catechism is essential but it’s such a gift to the Church there’s no reason not to read it.

I thought Bob Beckel and Greg Gutfeld of the Five were Catholic.Don’t know where i picked up this info but it’s dead wrong.Bob mentioned being a Protestant and Greg mentioned not being very religious. Clearly i was wrong. When you hear it directly it’s hard to think otherwise. Eric is Catholic-this time i heard it with my own 2 ears.

5. The 5 also talked about a Jeb Bush run in 2016 and his recent comments on Immigration and common core. I get what Gov Bush was saying about immigration. He was speaking from the heart. If he were to run i think he would have to find a better way to articulate the same message. His support of common core. I don’t get that one.

I’m more apt to consider voting for someone if they want to get the gov’t out of the business of education and if they support school choice,homeschooling and vouchers.

Kids aren’t getting the skills they need in math,science and reading. They lack knowledge of  American history. They certainly don’t get a chance to do critical thinking.It’s revisionist history and they totally ignore our religious foundation. All the schools worry about anymore is getting religion out of the schools and addressing nonsense-discipline is non existent. We don’t even provide an environment for kids to learn in,let alone giving them anything to learn.

Time to get gov’t out of it and close down the Dept of Ed.

Sorry,i just can’t see the good it’s done.

Will let Archbishop Chaput have the last word on tolerance.

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Mom

ImageIt is but I’m tired and husband will be home in a  few hours from the sleep clinic. He has sleep apnea and they took him for his test. They have to do that from time to time to see if there’s any changes. Anyway,i have a few hour to type this up very quickly and then roll to bed myself.

This is about my mom and the relationship i had with her. Take away from the post what you will.

We had a very happy childhood. Wonderful parents. We went to Catholic grade school and Mass every Sunday with the folks. We went for a Sunday drive after Mass. Thanks to dad who loved these excursions to nowhere it seemed to me. We stopped at the bakery and got comic books sometimes.   i have nothing but good memories. Will skip those to get to the heart of the matter.

Now as a teen it was a whole different story. I had a terrible relationship with my parents but gave mom the most grief. Dad was a quiet sort but you knew when he’d had enough-he let you know. He didn’t fool around.On the other hand if he were hurt he kept it to himself.

As a teen i didn’t talk much to dad.  Mom another story.

1. I talked disrespectfully to her. I said hurtful things and when i wasn’t saying hurtful things,i was doing hurtful things.I had no regard for  her feelings. I would let her know i was nothing like her and for whatever reason i thought that was great.Highly unlikely.

2. Was mom a good person? You bet she was. Did she deserve to be treated the way i treated her? Definitely NOT. Was she flawless? No. Did she have some of the flaws i made a big deal of? Probably. Were they the big deal i made of them? Definitely NOT.Should i  have let them go? Yes.

3. Should i have sat down with mom and actually tried to talk to her? YES. Instead i complained about how our parents just didn’t understand us. It’s a little hard to grasp what is going on when someone refuses to talk to you. I should have trusted her more. I think she would have been more understanding than i gave her credit for.

4. Was i more responsible for our poor relationship than she was? Yes, more so than i was ready to admit at the time.

Looking back.Know better.

Wish i could have a redo? Certainly.  I hope that in the last few yrs of her life when we did get along,came to be close and i respected her and dad a great deal, that it made up for the terrible time i gave her years before. It couldn’t have been enough but it was all that we were given.

We still had our moments where we’d disagree about a thing or two but it didn’t matter that much.

PS Mouse is probably reading Mark Levin’s Utopia, Andrew Breitbart’s Righteous Indignation,JPII’S Post Synodal Exhortations or the Divine Mercy Bible. Mouse wishes she could get new books to read but the list is a mile long 🙂

Serious Note II

This may come as a shock but mom and i had a touchy relationship when i was growing up. In the later years we mended our fences.

We were getting along well and became good friends.We respected each other. I’m not saying we still didn’t have some residue but a lot of it was put behind us. We had an understanding of what the terms would be when  she passed away. It wasn’t news and it was fine with me.We had talked about it. I had no problems with her decisions. We had no problems. It was all very clear.

I think some people believed i had no idea, when it was all said and done. I knew long before.

No hard feelings. Everyone deals with the loss of a loved one differently. Feelings run high and things get said and maybe even misunderstood. It can’t be helped.

Now i have no intention of getting into battles. I’m not going to psycho analyze anyone, let alone myself. I know all the wrong things i did in my life and i can’t take them back.Everyone has to live their lives as best as possible and make the most of all the good things they’ve been given.

I made peace with my own conscience as best as possible. Tonight is a night when it would be great to have the grand kids sit down and talk to me;tell me all the terrific things they’ve done over the years. Husband is at the sleep clinic. Mace is keeping me company. (He never lets me out of his sight which is a pain sometimes.)The thought occurred to me and how much i missed out on.You could hear a pin drop here so it’s one of those nights you wonder.

It is what it is. We can’t lose sleep over what we can’t change. I don’t care what the opinion is on the other side of this story. i just hope for the best for everyone and that they’re not beating themselves up either.

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On A More Serious Note

This time of the day I’m usually scribbling notes on a political story,some news item or a personal pov about something going on in the world.For now,am dvr-ing The O Reilly Factor. I don’t usually blog anything too deeply personal.Partly because some of the people are living and their information should be confidential. The other reason because it’s a pretty quiet life and other than the usual travails it’s not all that interesting. We don’t do drugs.Don’t drink. Have a handful of friends we could count on one hand and we’re busy trying to buy our home. About it. I’m Catholic and at one time a very wayward Catholic. Have menneire’s so most of my time,besides on the computer,is spent trying to get through a day.Husband isn’t in great health either.We’re getting older and it’s caught up to us. What else can i say?

I do say as often as possible.Pray the rosary,get to Confession(it’s a life saver), say the Divine Mercy Chaplet and go to Mass.It doesn’t matter if you’ve been away from confession for 20yr. I was gone almost that long. If i can walk in there and spill the beans anyone can.

If you’re not sure how to go about it just ask the priest to help.He will.

Tonight i am going to make an exception re a personal matter. I am not going to dig deep into it though. I don’t feel the need to.

I’m sure some of the readers have noticed an ‘obsession’ with a young lady named Alexa. She has a brother named Matthew.Unfortunately I don’t have any recent photos of “Matt” but in the near future i can post up some older photos i still have.

Alexa is my grand-daughter which would explain the bias. She has turned out to be a remarkable young lady. She’s done very well in school. She is in color guard and is very dedicated. I’ve followed her tweets and she seems to have a good head on her shoulders.I don’t see any of the nonsense i’ve seen from other kids her age. So i have reason to crow and thank God.She loves cats and that fits in with my memory of her love of animals. [I’m a dog person but like cats ok.]

I did not have the privilege of seeing her turn into this person but that’s just fine. As long as she did.

She was at a color guard championship not TOO far from here. Had i known I would have loved to have gone.Can’t fly but i think we could have caught a train. On the other hand i would not have wanted to cause a problem.

I still have the little bear she painted for me years ago. We were at my mothers when she did 2 of them.She gave one to great grandma Marie and one to me. I still have it and it sits on my computer desk to this day. An unanswered question i have is about her great grandma Marie. I had made all these plastic canvas decorations for mom.One was an Easter Bunny set. Mom commented once that she wished i would make one for Alexa’s mom. I would have but i started having eye sight problems and mennerie’s at the same time. I don’t know that i could have. I was hoping that it would have gone to Alexa’s mom along with the Nativity Set i made mom.I know with certainty that’s what mom would have wanted.I have no idea what happened to these things and i could just cry. I’m almost afraid they ended up in the pile of garbage bags they put out in front of mom’s house.DRAFT::::Back in a few. Need some coffee.Tired.Will break this up into a second part.

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 Coffee addict